STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP
by Lu Swart
Why do you keep beating yourself up? Negativity isn’t productive, but you can turn it around.
For instance, try throwing yourself a “Hate Party.”
Grab a piece of paper and write down every single thing that you hate about your life. Everything!
Now look at that list. What can you just stop doing, thinking or being? Whatever it is, just stop it.
What’s left on the your list? Decide what you hate the most. What can you do to change it?
Now figure out the steps to change it.
What’s Causing Your Headache?
I once saw a boy hitting his head repeatedly.
I asked him, “What are you doing?”
“Hitting my head.”
“I know you are hitting your head. But why?”
“I dunno. That’s just what I do when I get upset.” Then he said, “I have a headache.”
“Do you know how to stop getting headaches?” I asked.
“I dunno.”
“Quit hitting your head!”
Sometimes it’s just that simple. But not always.
Don’t Let Others Define You
Julie has been struggling to lose weight, but slowly it’s coming off.
One day, Julie and I agreed to go on a lunch walk. First we had to drop something off at her sister’s place, so we decided to do that on our walk too.
When we arrived at her sister’s house, her sister asked where we parked. I told her we walked. She looked at Julie and said, “This is a joke, right?”
Julie said, “No. We walked.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked her sister.
“Well, Julie just doesn’t do things like that. I was surprised,” she replied.
“We’re doing it to tone up as we lose weight,” I explained.
“Oh well. That won’t last long. Julie has always weighed a lot and that isn’t ever going to change.”
I saw Julie’s face fall. Then she mentioned that we had to get going.
Later Julie and I went out for a light lunch. I was dismayed to hear her order a large banana split. She ate her banana split with tears streaming down her face.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“I am beating myself up because I will never lose weight.”
“No!” I protested. “You are beating yourself up with your sister’s reality. It is only your reality if you allow it to be.”
Are you beating yourself up? Then, quite simply, STOP IT! If you’re doing a self-defeating action, thought or saying, quit it!
For instance, try throwing yourself a “Hate Party.”
Grab a piece of paper and write down every single thing that you hate about your life. Everything!
Now look at that list. What can you just stop doing, thinking or being? Whatever it is, just stop it.
What’s left on the your list? Decide what you hate the most. What can you do to change it?
Now figure out the steps to change it.
What’s Causing Your Headache?
I once saw a boy hitting his head repeatedly.
I asked him, “What are you doing?”
“Hitting my head.”
“I know you are hitting your head. But why?”
“I dunno. That’s just what I do when I get upset.” Then he said, “I have a headache.”
“Do you know how to stop getting headaches?” I asked.
“I dunno.”
“Quit hitting your head!”
Sometimes it’s just that simple. But not always.
Don’t Let Others Define You
Julie has been struggling to lose weight, but slowly it’s coming off.
One day, Julie and I agreed to go on a lunch walk. First we had to drop something off at her sister’s place, so we decided to do that on our walk too.
When we arrived at her sister’s house, her sister asked where we parked. I told her we walked. She looked at Julie and said, “This is a joke, right?”
Julie said, “No. We walked.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked her sister.
“Well, Julie just doesn’t do things like that. I was surprised,” she replied.
“We’re doing it to tone up as we lose weight,” I explained.
“Oh well. That won’t last long. Julie has always weighed a lot and that isn’t ever going to change.”
I saw Julie’s face fall. Then she mentioned that we had to get going.
Later Julie and I went out for a light lunch. I was dismayed to hear her order a large banana split. She ate her banana split with tears streaming down her face.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“I am beating myself up because I will never lose weight.”
“No!” I protested. “You are beating yourself up with your sister’s reality. It is only your reality if you allow it to be.”
Are you beating yourself up? Then, quite simply, STOP IT! If you’re doing a self-defeating action, thought or saying, quit it!
A footnote on that article talks about who I am. One of the things it mentions were my goals: "To make a difference every day of my life, to value every minute of my life, live life to the fullest and do the work I love.
The second reason that I believe it stuck in my heart is because I am a survivor of abuse and a survivor of an illness called "unworthiness". I felt unworthy and like I did not measure up for years. Then one day I threw myself a "Hate Party" and learned that the two most important conversations I have each day take place on my knees and between my ears.
If I don't like something - only I have the power to change it or change my perception of it. Only I can control my thoughts, feelings, self talk, emotions, and actions. Only I canask the Lord for help. Only I can stop allowing others to define me. Only I can dance mydance and work towards being a better me every day.
Lu Swart is an Independent Beachbody health and fitness coach, life coach, motivator, and writer. A happily married mother of four sons, her goals are to “make a difference every day of my life, value every minute of my life, live life to the fullest, and do the work I love.”
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